Have you ever behaved in complete contradiction of who you are? Has it ever happened to you that you have done something which is, clearly, not something you would've done? Have you all along believed yourself to be a certain type of person, believed in certain fixed principles/ morals/ behaviourial patterns and have never (save an eccentric/ drunk moment here or there) deviated from such behaviour but suddenly, despite being fully aware of the difference in your actions, have acted in a manner contrary to your usual self??? If not, then.....Dude..get a life!!
The problem started with me believing that I was a particular kinda person!!! I used to believe that I would react in a given manner in similar situations..until.....
Now ofcourse, I am not gonna tell you minute details of what has happened to lead me to question my own conduct and everyone else's too, but suffice to say...I behaved in a manner which I really dont think is me!!!! and the best part is....I dont feel weird about it. I was gonna use the word "guilty" but I realized that its not so much as guilt as it is discomfort at something new!! You do know how it is when you are breaking an old habit??
I would've imagined that that was that..for a boring person like me, not behaving in the manner I have been behaving all these years, is quite something. One such deviant act and its time to put up my feet, bask in the sun and warm my old bones, probably knit while I am at it..but the problem is that it didnt just end there!!
This new found deviant streak of mine has suddenly released me. I am euphoric!! I dont expect myself to behave in a given manner in a given situation and the anticipation, the excitement in not knowing how I will behave is what makes the entire exercise so much more fun. Its like I am trying to challenge myself to behave in a more unpredictable manner with each passing moment. Not to say I am being rude or something, just that I am not being myself.
But who knows, maybe I am being myself, only I didnt know till now who "myself" was???
Kinda reminds me of these lines I read someplace.
"I can be anybody you want me to be on a given day, but I'd rather switch
randomly because it's so much more fun."
2 comments:
its good fun acting different once in a while and it is quite a revelation when one realises that this deviant streak of yours is actually a part of you. you just did not know of its existence. i wonder what you've done recently that made u write this post SHE. i AM BLOODY CURIOUS NOW.
i cannot now for the life of me remember what it was that led me to write this ;) NOW you are intrigued!!!
But seriously, try it sometime, its amazing. go on, surprise yourself!!
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