The "he" in the "She"

There is this boy....Somehow, its always about a boy!!!

Anyway, lets start afresh..So there's this boy, we like each other and have been together for a while now!! We are committed, very much in love and happy around each other. So you might ask what in heaven's name is the problem, I am sure, like me, you too can rattle off the names of atleast 3698967 people who would kill to be in my place, off the top of your head ofcourse. So, the question being, what is the F&&*&%$@%@ problem woman??????

Well, its just this...He is a foreigner of sorts!!!

I can almost hear you scream as you read this and I can just about see you slapping your forehead, rolling your eyes in wonder and asking yourself if I belong to this century or not. Well...I do, but I am old school and I know my folks will hit the roof and I am rather fond of them too, so I have made my choice and I have chosen them over him!!!

Yes, you can now nail me to a cross and worship me henceforth!!

But thats that!! Now, making the decision was the easy bit, living by it is incredibly tough!! I am just understanding how tough it is, with each passing day and I haven't yet fully comprehended it in its entirety.

His infectious smile, the way he holds my hand when he drives, how he takes a deep breath whenever I am close by coz he loves my perfume, how he sometimes takes his eyes off the road completely, just to look at me and I act like I can't tell coz I am staring straight ahead all the while I am seeing him see my from the corner of my eye. The way he makes perfect sense and plays the role of a much needed anchor in my crazy life and crazier thoughts. How he wants me to meet everyone, including his family and respects me for my work. How he calls me once in a while to ask for some professional advice and respects my word. How he listens to me, makes me smile, cry, feel warm on the inside, content, serene, at peace. How he loves travelling as much as I do and is just as big a sports freak as me. How he knows so much about so many things that I would like to learn of, how he can give a discourse on anything under the sun and make so much sense. How he can faff his way through the stickiest situations and emerge unruffled. How he has no sense of dressing, rhythm, time, distance and sensing a woman' mood. He makes me happy.

I have spent 2 amazing years with him, but now........

As i walked away from him y'day I told him that the time to live by our decision was upon us.

Chronicle of Dreams!!

I have been tagged by Utopia, so scary as the thought of revealing me dreams to all of you sounds, I am doing it..only for you Utopia!!

My earliest recollection of a dream is when I was about 10. A huge fan of Steffi Graf, I couldn't think of any other sport but tennis and any other sports person, but her. My dream involved the Olympics being hosted in a stadium right next to my house, which in reality housed one of my classmates from school back then. I dreamt that I stood in queue to buy Ms. Graf a hotdog and she gave me front row seats for her match in return. After a few years, she quit playing the sport and I, watching it. But till date, one of my MANY unfulfilled dreams involves watching Steffi Graf beat the hell outta Monica Seles in a Wimbledon final.

As the years went by, I dreamt of being a martyr.....Dont ask me where I get these ideas from, but I am as jingo a patriot as they come. I just have to hear the starting notes of the national anthem to have tears streaming down my face and it has taken me all my self restraint to stop myself from beating the shit outta jerks who condemn my country and/ or cannot stand still for the duration of the anthem!! I was heartbroken when I learnt that women dont serve in active combat posts in the army and so my dream of dying a heroic death in the battlefield and being awarded the highest gallantry award posthumously too died a natural death. Given half a chance, I would don the uniform and enlist in the forces should the occasion arise.

Today, my dreams are a little more ambitious than before. Today, I dream of love..not just in the romantic, sexual kinda love, but love for life, tolerance, acceptance and commitment. I would be blatantly lying if I said that I do not dream of finding my love and being loved in return, but I also dream of humanity and love in the larger sense of the word. I dream of us as a more humane lot, I desire for all of us to imbibe the true ethos the meaning of equality in every single sphere of our lives and not do mere lip service to the concept. I dream of a nation free from bigotry, rid of the evils plaguing our minds, our lives, our very existence. I wish we could do away with the double standards we subscribe too and the fake ideals that we hold in such high esteem. If each one of us were to be true to ourselves in a manner that leaves no room for self doubt, there is nothing stopping us from being truly happy.

My most personal dream involves me leading my nation.... immodest as it may sound, I know I am meant for something big, I know I have it in me to do something for my country over and above my contribution as an honest, humane citizen. What that is, I have yet to figure out, but I do intend on doing something about it.

But above all, I dream of serenity, contentment, calmness and peace, the kinda warmth that you feel when you soak in the sun on a lazy winter morning!!!