And I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

The winter heralds the marriage season in North India. Its fabulous, apart from the traffic that is. I love attending weddings, especially now since most of my close friends have started tying the knot. Its great to dance, drink and make merry into wee hours of the night in a stunning sari and ooh and aah over the bride and tell the couple how great they look together and catch up with old friends and crack up over stories from long long ago when the present bride/ groom was a geek/ freak and run to tell the other person the singular most embarrassing incident of their lives. 

The forthcoming winters brought 3 really close friends' weddings. I met up with one of the brides to be a few days ago. We lived together in college and despite our lack of display of affection, are very very fond of each other and I know I can turn to her in times of need and I hope she knows that she too can rely on me for anything she wants. So, I met up with her a few days ago and being in a quandary about my personal life was going to ask her "how she knew/ was so sure about her husband to be". Instead of coming right out and asking her, I decided to ask her the progress on her wedding prep. That's when she told me...that the wedding was off. 

In true filmi fashion, the lights went out and both of us were staring at each other in pitch darkness (how that happens is something you have to experience to know) with this silence, thick enough to cut through, between us. I yelled out for a drink. She did the same. We downed our shots. And then she tried to get me to talk. I have exhibited withdrawal symptoms before, but nothing was this bad. Anyhow, we got talking and it turns out that the gentleman in question and she weren't compatible. Its  a pity she learnt of it only after the engagement, but better then than after marriage, right? Brave lady, she took the call and ended it. Applause!!! 

I am extremely proud of her. 

This obviously led me to some introspection and I realized that I had no clue where Boy and I were headed. Honestly, I aint sure about him any more. But I realize that could be as a result of my pent up irritation at our inability to take a step. So, here we are at the ripe old age of 26 and 30 respectively, earning well, settled in our careers, with the dream of travelling the world. And here we are dithering, unsure, unsteady, unstable and every other "un" you could conjure up. So in true female fashion, I ensured Boy bore the brunt of my excessive introspection.

I have now told him that he needs to take a call. If we dont want to give this up without a fight, then we need to speak with parents. In order to speak with the families, I need to be sure and I need him to be sure. In order for him to be sure, I need for him to believe in the institution of marriage to begin with. Else, we could walk away, none the wiser. 

I dont know how to deal with this....suggestions anyone????